Autumn

As autumn is setting in nature starts to transform. It always gives me mixed feelings; I feel a bit sad the summer is over but on the other hand every season has it’s unique beauty. I don’t have to go far since the Japanese Maple in my back yard stuns me each year with the amazing colors it produces, like the tree is on fire.

Shamballa

Last night was Shamballa night where we come together in a group and practice energy healing. It’s an event that always fills me with anxiety and insecurity before and a sense of fullfillment after. This time the dominating feeling before was disappointment and I considered skipping, but I went anyway. I’m glad I did. Lately it’s very difficult for me to find anything positive in life but being there in that group felt very good and this was very welcome.
We always draw some cards and this time I got this one:


This hit home for me… and by the way this is the card I got the month before…

What a `coincidence`… now all I have to do is figure out which battle they`re referring to because I have several 🙄.

Following that we did a group healing. It was about a construction site where the workers were getting ill for no apparent reason. We focused on it as a group and I saw myself descending a very old stone stairway into a dark cellar which was filled with a black oily fluid. There was no fear and I went into the fluid until I was completely submerged. I figured I`d just radiate white light to penetrate it and when I did the fluid slowly went away. Then a small girl in a dress appeared gesturing I should stop, the fluid was holding something captive and she was guarding that – or that was the feeling it gave me because there was no speech happening. So I stopped and the next thing I saw was a pillar of light coming down on the construction site, penetrating that basement. I saw one or more silhouettes going up through the pillar. After that there was a beautiful bed of flowers.
So after this session we always share our experience but I thought this was so bizarre I`m not going to share. Too much Harry Potter-stuff I thought to myself. When the other participants started to share I was amazed. Two or three other people had seen a vortex of black liquid stuff and a pillar of light. Also the flowers were a theme. So I shared my story as well. The similarities were striking and we were all in awe. This has happened many times before but I`m never going to get used to that I think. I hope that whatever was trapped at that construction site is now free and the people are safe.

So next thing were the healing sessions, one on one. We could use beds again which was nice because I prefer that over a chair or lying on the floor.

I started doing the healing but first I put on some earbuds with meditative music. This is something I decided to try to improve my focus and it worked nicely.
Energy felt strong right from the start which surprised me because these past few months it seemed all energy had gone from me. So I flooded the woman on the table with energy from the head down and it felt very lively. After some time I went to her feet for grounding. Then some brain-balancing and finally I flooded her with unconditional love. I must say that nowadays I try to incorporate non-duality into my healings by realizing that there is only one consciousness and that the person on the table is an expression of that consciousness as am I, but there are no real individuals. So I’m healing myself (and I’m not even doing that, get it 😉).
Afterwards she reported it felt good but intense and at some point she felt she was going to get a headache from the energy but at that exact time I moved to her feet for grounding and she could feel the excess energy flowing away. Cool, ay?

Be well and make use of What Is. 🌺

Mood-o-meter

Well, things have been intense last month as it seems to be for everyone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a period with so much upheaval at some many levels at this scale. Makes you wonder where all this is going. Last month was challenging, lots of ups and down but what I noticed is that the downs seems to be getting deeper and the ups not as high. I had a number of significant dips last month where I got this feeling of despair, like this life is leading nowhere but I don’t even know where it should lead – I only know I’d like to be calm and happy but how? Non-duality is a key here but that ‘concept’ is so simple it becomes complicated.
There is no Dennis. Full stop.
So what does that mean? Thought arise but they are not mine. I am the one that is aware of thought. The same goes for emotions, sensations, anything that is an observable object in awareness. Because I AM that awareness.
How does one navigate one’s day with this? Even having briefly seen that non-duality is a higher truth, it doesn’t help me because that Knowing is not present here now and I know it so it frustrates me. That way pursuing non-duality is actually adding to the suffering instead of helping.
Meditations are nice – they can be a great break from the turmoil in the head but this is just a break, when I get up the suffering returns because thoughts come back and I still identify with them. As Fred Davis has said: “Meditation is nice when it happens, but I notice that afterwards I’m still in my living room” meaning nothing has changed. As a result I’m meditating less now.
So I notice a steady rising of difficult mind stuff like unrest, doubt, fear, frustration, impatience, anger and the likes. Many times I can handle it by observing it or even using it for inquiry (can I find the owner of that thought or emotion?) but sometimes it makes me lose my temper and I do or say stuff I later consider unskillful.
So I feel uneasily adrift, not knowing where I’m going or where this world is going or what I should do, while knowing that it all ultimately doesn’t matter and I should just observe life and this unit’s actions unfold before me because whatever happens in this life – it can’t touch Me because I am the infinite consciousness dreaming this world.

To all Fellow Travellers out there: stay strong and may you be well 🌸

Satsang

Last Sunday I attended another Satsang with Fred Davis. I have access as part of the student program but anyone can attend these. The fee for a single Satsang is $25.
You can sign up here , try it!
The sessions are each Sunday evening 20:00 – 22:00 CET.

Last Sunday the session was very interesting. I have two takeaways that I remember and would like to share:

Firstly, a one-liner:
Value experience over thought
This means giving more importance to What Is (which is directly perceived), in contrast to our opinions about What Is.

Secondly the subject of manifesting came up, which I found interesting because there seems to be a disparity there. Many people believe they can manifest things using mind by positive affirmations and other methods, but this seems in conflict with the given that everything Just Happens, there is no do-er or controller so how would we be able to manifest anything? The Universe does all the manifesting for us and we’re here to observe as Awakeness. Maybe this is one of the many paradoxes in non-duality that cannot be understood with our limited brains, but Fred’s comment was very good. In summary he said that manifesting seems to work but one has to be very careful because what you’re really thinking then is that you know better what’s good for you than the Universe.
You’re most likely better off letting go of the urge to control and just go with What Is – As It Is.

Mood-o-meter

What am I doing all this for? It’s bringing me nothing. Am I doing it right? Why can’t I just be happy? Why does it all have to be so complicated? What do I want in this life? I’m never going to ‘get it’. Lethargy. Depression. Playing ‘all is okay’. What is the POINT of all this? Feeling a hole that cannot be filled.
Etcetera etcetera.
These were the dominating moods the past weeks, and they still are. I don’t know what’s ‘in the air’ but it seems that other people are struggling too.

I’m oscillating between being consumed by these thoughts\emotions and the strong suspicion that true happiness does not depend on external factors – it is found within.

So I’m trying to get out of that and for that I need energy. Yesterday I searched Netflix for something spiritual and it returned Goop Acedemy, a docuseries. The second episode was about Wim Hof and how he uses cold to energize himself. This made me remember my old habit of taking cold showers that I did for a while and then I stopped doing that again. This morning I decided to re-try that and after cycling to work I did some deep breathing and stepped straight into the cold shower. The trick is to maintain deep breaths because the body wants to cramp up and gasp. I took my deep breaths and after about 10-15 seconds my body started to adjust and it was not so challenging anymore. After 30 seconds the water wasn’t uncomfortable anymore and I was able to go on and wash my bdy and hair. It didn’t matter anymore. Amazing how body\mind can adapt.