I haven’t posted anything significant in a quite a while. I just didn’t know what to write. I still don’t really know but I feel the urge to write something so here goes. It probably will be a chaotic post but that’s fine.

First of all the Fred Davis non-duality stuff. This has my focus now where earlier my focus was more on energy practice. I still work with energy occasionally but my main focus is on non-duality. Energy still plays a role but maybe I’ll explain that later in this post.

For those who are unfamiliar with non-duality: it refers to the fact that there is only one consciousness that is looking through each set of eyes in this manifestation. The idea that each of us has a separate, individual consciousness is an illusion.

So a while ago I participated in a group awakening course conducted by Fred Davis. I had been following Fred on YouTube for some time, I really like his style. In the past I also rented a video by Fred that was made earlier from a similar group awakening session and now I was able to attend such a session live. (The recording of this new course is now available for rent) Although ‘I’ didn’t wake up myself in that course, several others did and it was quite an experience. In fact, the material is still doing it’s work with me as I replay the recordings.

After the course I saw a post on his blog that there were some openings in his student program which was the first time in years. I jumped to the opportunity and I was allowed to enter the program. This means I’ll have a one hour personal session with Fred each month plus I can attend the Satsangs each Sunday where fellow students and other people come together to explore the subject of nonduality. I’m happy to be a part of that since I was in need of some guidance and I’m (un)learning a lot.

The subject of nonduality caused some confusion as well. How does that fit in with working with ascended masters, higher self, spirit guides, reincarnation, shamballa and so on? If my true nature is this field of awareness in which all of manifestation takes place then all of those beings and energies must be part of me too. I mulled this over for a while and then decided to drop it; mind is not equipped to understand these things. I just accept that I cannot possibly understand everything from the limited perspective of this realm. I do integrated it in one way though. If I accept the given that this body with its senses is a tool to experience this world of manifestation, then the field of consciousness must be connected to it in some way. I feel this is though the heart center, where also the connection is to the higher self or ‘I Am’ (according to st.Germain). So I visualize that I am not the body but I am this infinite field of awareness, connected to this body through the heart center. This way I integrate the Light meditation with non-duality.

So I’m focused on nonduality now, which brings a lot of confusion. When I have difficult emotions, I can go two routes:

A) the Tantric way: dive into the emotion and feel it thoroughly, mentally and physically. Let it flow and see what message or insight is hidden in it, or

B) go the Nondual way: where is the one who suffers? Where is the owner of the thoughts? The thoughts and emotions are only arisings in consciousness, they are not owned by anyone. So you let them simply be.

These two approaches couldn’t be more different and I intend to use my next session with Fred to dive into this topic.

Furthermore I try to stay aware during the day of What Is. Stay in touch with that field of awareness which is actually Me. One of the things I keep in mind if that this body is in my consciousness, instead of my consciousness being in this body as I thought before. I am the witness of everything that arises in manifestation. So I am not mind or body, rather mind and body arise within me.

That’s it for today, be well 🌸

Healing session

This evening I did a healing session for an acquaintance. She’s a woman I know from the shamballa gatherings and we did a ceremony together once. It seems we also have shared previous lives. I offered her a healing session some time ago and recently this resulted in an actual appointment. Of course I was looking forward to it but I also felt insecure. It has been a while since I did any energy work at home. But I also was looking forward to it because I’ve been wanting to practice more and learn to use crystals during the session. So this evening she arrived and after we chatted a bit we went upstairs to my room. She layed down on the table and I played some nice koshi bells music to get us in the mood. I’m not going into all the details but I put gemstones on all the chakras: Jasper at the root for grounding, rose quartz at the sacral, solar plexus, heart and throat. An aquamarine on the third eye (that works really well!). Finally another rose quartz at the crown. Then I sat down for a few minutes to calm the mind and get focused. I started with holding her head and just making contact. I felt a lot of tension and I let it flow to the earth. Then I used some Violet energy, did some brain balancing and used shamballa. I also used two crystal wands to clean her chakras, something I recently saw in a video. It was fun to do. I spent almost an hour in total. It probably was a healing for both of us because I felt it too, it was nice. It was very good practice and I believe that it even was the first time that someone not from my family was on my table… Hopefully more opportunities will present themselves.

I have some other people too that I would really love to have on my table but we’ll see what the future brings.

What Is

This morning during my exercises I started talking out loud to myself. I never do this so I thought it was a bit peculiar. This is what I said (pardon the language but I’m keeping it authentic):

Wanting to f*ck someone is looking for pleasure. Wanting to cuddle with someone is looking for pleasure. Wanting to talk with someone is looking for pleasure. Once the desire has been fulfilled a new desire will arise. A desire for something better, something deeper. And so the cycle continues. Stop wanting pleasure. Stop wanting pleasure and start accepting What Is. 

What Is is not what your mind thinks it is. What Is is What Is.

Enlightenment #2

In my recent post I linked to a text by Steven Norquist. After thinking about this for a while I feel there is a lot of truth to this but it does paint too dark a picture. Yes, enlightenment does include a form of ego death and this can cause a kind of mourning process, but it seems that enlightened experience in many cases is still colored by the person’s characteristics dependent on the depth and clarity of the awakening. There are too many examples out there of awakened beings who are happy and loving, so I’m not going to be deterred by this article. ‘My’ experience of nonduality didn’t feel shocking, was smooth, logical and comforting. Everything was just okay as it was.

Evening meditation

I’m changing my approach towards meditation. I’m focusing on nonduality for the coming period -until I focus on something else πŸ™‚.

Since my true nature is the simple awakeness that observes all objects in consciousness, I thought I’d try meditation with my eyes open. I’m meditating since 2014 and I’ve always done this with my eyes closed (with a few rare, unsatisfying exceptions). I’ve learned a lot from Fred Davis though and I’m looking at it from a different angle now.

So I placed my phone in front of me with this video on, a simple burning candle. I did this because otherwise attention will always be scanning my field of vision for something interesting to think about. By fixating my view on the candle and keeping it there, I can stay more concentrated. So I’m fixed on the candle, but in my peripheral vision I see the whole room if course, and my arms and legs. While staring at the candle I’m also aware of breath, thought and body. I’m trying you stay aware of the process of perceiving, because that takes me closest to my true nature. I did this for an hour. It actually worked well, it’s hard to explain but it was easier to get into a witnessing mode, slightly dissociated from experience. A few times there was an itch and the hand moved to scratch it and I had the distinct impression that this was happening by itself (which is true) and I did not actively decide to do that. The same goes for seeing the candle, this also is just happening. ‘Seeing the candle’ just happens, it is What Is in this moment. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but it does to me; it resembles the short experience of nonduality a bit ‘I’ experienced in February of last year. So I’m probably going to keep doing this for some time. It’s like many teachers say; you can’t do anything to get enlightened because nobody is doing anything so you just have to be lucky, but you can create circumstances that increase the odds of you being lucky. I feel that maybe this may increase my odds. Next to that I’m doing my best to stay in observation mode during the day, so that at all times part of my awareness is noticing What Is in the moment, looking through the body instead of as the body.

A day in the life of…

Nobody, or:
Awakeness identifying itself as a dream character everyone has learned to refer to as ‘Dennis’.

In this post I’ll share some moments of a totally normal day in the life of a totally normal person. Why? Because I feel like it.

I get up at 6:45 after hitting ‘snooze’ a bunch of times. My wife has already gone working. The ‘kids’ aren`t home too, so I’m alone in the house. Well, except for two dogs, two rabbits and three chickens. I make myself the usual glass of fresh orange juice to provide the body with energy for the morning activities. First I meditate for 20-30 minutes. Since I’m alone in the house I sit in the living room on the sofa.

The theme of the meditation varies. I’ve done Light meditations exclusively for quite a while but lately I’m reserving time for other things too. Today the theme was investigating emotions.
After that I go up the stairs and do some upper body excercises to keep my back and shoulders supple since that’s a weak spot. Otherwise this body is serving me very well until now and I am quite content with it. Then I get on the crosstrainer and work out for about 20 minutes. Time for a quick shower.
sweaty :-)
Before shower – sweaty πŸ˜‹

no sweaty :-)
After shower – no sweaty 😎

After that I make myself some breakfast. Usually a cheese sandwich and a peanut butter sandwich. Some crystal water to wash it down.


A cup of coffee. I know it’s not good for me but hey, you only live ~2000 times.
I take my breakfast and get on my way to Work, which means walking aaaaallll the way to the dining room where my PC is.
I’ve been working from home since March now and this will continue at least until September. Working from home is okay but not exclusively, so I try to go to Maastricht at least once a week on Wednesday. That way I get to see a few colleagues and ride my bicycle.
So I crawl behind my desk with my breakfast and get to work.

Workplace. Yes, it’s messy.

It’s extremely busy at work. We were still recovering from the hack in december when corona came along and turned everything upside down. Working at home makes it worse because there is no feeling for things or supporting contact with colleagues so you become your own enemy if you don’t cope with that pressure well. I think I’m doing reasonably well most of the time.

Taking a short break in the garden. Of course the chickens come and check if I have any munchies.

Lunchtime! Made myself a pancake… mash a banana and mix with two eggs. Add a few spoons of oatmeal and some cinnamon. Mix it up and bake slowly in a frying pan so the oatmeal has time to cook. I added some apple slices in this case, too. A bit of apple syrup on the top and violΓ . Again a glass of crystal water to wash it down.

Enjoying lunch in the sunny garden. The chickens got some left-over apple so they leave me alone otherwise they keep assaulting me when I eat. They’ve jumped on my dish in the past, those cheeky bastards πŸ˜…

After that I did a short meditation in the shade of the (huge) hazelnut bush and off we go back to work. Yay….

Halfway the afternoon I went to check if the chickens had layed any eggs. They had:

The green egg is from a race called Araucana, I think it’s very cool. Other than the green shell, these eggs are normal.

Around 5pm the work day ended and my wife came home with my son whom she had picked up; he had been staying over with a group of friends for a week to party. Somehow he managed to get his bag in the wrong place and now all his clothes are in a van en route to Rotterdam πŸ™„ sigh…

So we had dinner together and in the evening I had a shamballa night. We chat, do healings and draw cards. A few of my favorite group members called in sick which was disappointing, but at the same time it made me more relaxed and gave me room to focus more on other stuff. I drew an interesting card:

I also got a few other cards that were spot-on. We performed a group healing for Mother Earth which felt strong, and finally we formed couples and healed each other. During the group healing I felt the energy was strong and alive, but during the personal healing I had to trust the process because I didn’t feel very inspired. The other person liked it though.

At home I felt charged-up as happens many times after shamballa and I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Instead of staring at the ceiling in bed I decided to walk into the woods. I like it there in the dark. I recently saw a spot where two giant trees that almost touch each other at the ground grow away from each other in a v-shape. I put on some old clothes and walked over there. I sat down cross legged between the two trees with my back against one of them, it was quite comfortable. I started to meditate but noticed I couldn’t focus on the breath so I focused on sensations instead. Some rodent was rustling through the leaves right next to me. The sound of the wind in the trees. The feeling of my back against this huge tree. It gave me tingles, but as a meditation it wasn’t much. After 15 minutes or so word got around that I was sitting there and I was turning into a mosquito landing strip. I didn’t fancy that so I slowly walked home again.

Now I was tired so I went to bed. In hindsight maybe this wasn’t an ordinary day after all, if there is such a thing.

Thank you.

Temet nosce

‘Temet nosce’ means ‘Know Thyself’. Learning who you are is the greatest journey anyone can take in this existence. Not only to get to see your True Nature, but also to understand your inner workings so you can lead a more skillful life.

Usually learning takes place using a punish/reward system. Unfortunately for us humans, we tend to need suffering to incentivise us to learn. The vehicle for that suffering (and the rewards) are our emotions. Emotions can bring us great suffering if left under the care of an unchecked mind.

The first step to coping with difficult emotions is taking control of the mind factor. This is difficult but it can be done with practice. If done well like here (Dutch site) it can result in profound spiritual growth.

That’s why I always see two sides to difficult emotions. I see and feel the pain and the suffering is there, but I also see the opportunity to grow. The emotions are going to be there anyway, might as well use them and learn. This sounds easy but it is not. It takes courage to not flee into the victim role, blaming the world and avoiding responsibility. I admire anyone who has the guts to consciously confront their emotions.

That being said, strong ‘positive’ emotions are not necessarily good too. If the pendulum swings far to one side, the next swing will be to the other side. It is best to stay close to the middle where there is balance. I think this is one of the lessons of Life.

Be well 🌺