Update

I haven’t been posting a lot lately and I thought I’d post an update.

Shamballa & Non-duality

Ever since I shifted my focus to non-duality by entering Fred Davis’ student program I have been struggling how to reconcile the concepts of non-duality with those of ascended masters, spirits, angels, souls, energywork etcetera. How can there be ‘higher consciousness’ or ‘other consciousness’ when there is only one consciousness and I’m it? It is enough to drive the mind crazy. Since non-duality is riddled with paradoxes, I am trying to stop attempts to understand this. It is just more thought and doesn’t help. That actually makes sense when I consider that everything we can perceive is an arising within the infinite field of consciousness, so the brain and its ‘intelligence’ are arisings within this field. How could the brain (the part) ever comprehend the Oneness (the whole)? This matches what was felt after the glimpse of non-duality that was experienced here. It’s a place that is not reached by thinking or intellectual understanding or philosophy. It is a Knowing that comes from Being.
That Knowing has not been present since and at first I wanted to get back there but I learned there is no getting back because it was a peak experience that one should not try to regain. Besides, it is ego that wants it back. It is the everyday ordinary consciousness\awareness that matters and it’s the ordinary everyday Now that is the magic moment to be aware of. There is only one consciousness and only this moment, the eternal Now. This moment is what it is and it is experienced the way it is, so anything other than full acceptance of this moment is going to cause suffering. It means being happy and enjoying that but not being attached to that feeling as it is transient. It means being okay with not being okay. It means accepting that there is anger or fear or sadness because it is not mine – I’m only watching it. If awareness is cloudy and absorbed in Ego then that is What Is. I am the awareness that is observing, awareness is not touched by any of this, and any experience is as valid as any other is.

Enough rambling about that now. I only got to talking about non-duality because I wanted to explain that it influences the way I participate in Shamballa. At first non-duality and Shamballa seemed mutually exclusive but that conclusion is only the result of limited thinking. When I give or receive a healing I try to stay aware of the fact that there are no individuals, there is only consciousness so that means that the thought world is irrelevant. I used to make plans before a healing because I feared that without a plan or goals it wasn’t going to work. In addition, I set standards to how I should feel; I should be relaxed and confident and feel the energy. None of that is true. I now go into each session from the viewpoint of the single consciousness; I’m oneness healing myself. Whether I’m actually experiencing Oneness or not (spoiler: I’m not) is not important. Pretending to be Oneness is okay as its closer to the truth than believing there is a Dennis. I’m healing myself by healing another. Wanting to understand what is happening or how it works is the desire of the ego and can be ignored. This takes away a lot of pressure and enables me to participate in a session without standards or expectations; whatever happens is exactly right and what the ego thinks of it is irrelevant.

That brings me to the last Shamballa group session I attended which is now two weeks ago. The cards I draw at these evening have been about the same theme the last three months; about me needing to liberate myself from something that is holding me back; that I have the strength to overcome it. As always, these cards give global guidance but also raise many questions. Well, life is a game…so whatever. The healing session was nice. I ended up in a private room with a woman I had only seen once before and we never shared a session. She laid down first and I started ‘my work’, thinking about how she is me and I am her and that in fact it is all one energy. I alternated between standing at her head and at her feet. At some point I was holding her feet to earth her and I ‘saw’ (before my mind’s eye) two white angels descending, one on each side of her. They started to work on her heart area. I couldn’t see what they were doing but I felt that I had to keep grounding her in order to keep things stable so they could finish their work. I lost track of what happened and when I continued ‘I’ worked on her heart centre some more, only to seal off what was done. When I told her afterwards what I thought I had seen she was pleasantly surprised and explained to me that she had been told she had a blockage in her heart centre that needed work. After the session, I spontaneously offered her a healing at my home, which I don’t usually offer. She did indeed contact me a week later and we made an appointment. I like giving a healing at my home because I feel there is no time limit and I’m more at ease. I gave her a healing using meditative music, intuitively placing crystals on her chakras and using shamballa. Again, I ‘saw’ some things (that I have forgotten by now) but we didn’t really discuss our individual experience of that session in detail, which is okay. Only the ego wants to know what it has done happened. I do know that the session lasted about 40 minutes and she was deeply relaxed, which is good enough for meJ.
We talked quite a bit afterwards and she left. It was a fun encounter and I hope it was to her benefit.

Daily experience

So in daily life I try to pretend I’m oneness because, as I said before, it is closer to the truth than believing I’m a Dennis. There are only behavioural patterns here that automatically respond to stimuli and there is experience of senses but no one is the owner of all that – it’s all wrongly attributed to a Dennis. Of course, this is difficult to maintain when I’m engaged with work or other duties, but there is a slow shift going on where ‘I’ find the story of Dennis less and less important. The key is to value direct experience over thinking. Direct experience is the experience you have before words or judgements are applied by the mind, before you have an opinion about What Is. We value our judgment of What Is over the actual experience, which causes suffering. The personal story is only made up of thought and thought is fantasy we are hard-wired to believe. So this is the process I’m in ; trying to ‘catch’ when I’m believing thoughts that cause suffering.
Sometimes I succeed and  many times not, but when I do catch a thought and see it as the fantasy it is and notice the emotion it caused flow away then he knowing that thoughts are not reality is reinforced.
Also I observe what the body is doing and find the one who controls that, which is no-one.

The satsangs and sessions with Fred Davis are helpful but it’s going to be for the long haul and that’s okay.

My daily schedule now includes three meditations which each take about 20 minutes:

-A self-recorded Light meditation that originates from this book

-A higher Self meditation that was suggested to me and I’ve grown to like

-A Microcosmic Orbit because it feels good and it supports my semen retention practice because I use the PC muscle on the out breath.

That’s it for now. I wish you well.

Shamballa

Last night was Shamballa night where we come together in a group and practice energy healing. It’s an event that always fills me with anxiety and insecurity before and a sense of fullfillment after. This time the dominating feeling before was disappointment and I considered skipping, but I went anyway. I’m glad I did. Lately it’s very difficult for me to find anything positive in life but being there in that group felt very good and this was very welcome.
We always draw some cards and this time I got this one:


This hit home for me… and by the way this is the card I got the month before…

What a `coincidence`… now all I have to do is figure out which battle they`re referring to because I have several 🙄.

Following that we did a group healing. It was about a construction site where the workers were getting ill for no apparent reason. We focused on it as a group and I saw myself descending a very old stone stairway into a dark cellar which was filled with a black oily fluid. There was no fear and I went into the fluid until I was completely submerged. I figured I`d just radiate white light to penetrate it and when I did the fluid slowly went away. Then a small girl in a dress appeared gesturing I should stop, the fluid was holding something captive and she was guarding that – or that was the feeling it gave me because there was no speech happening. So I stopped and the next thing I saw was a pillar of light coming down on the construction site, penetrating that basement. I saw one or more silhouettes going up through the pillar. After that there was a beautiful bed of flowers.
So after this session we always share our experience but I thought this was so bizarre I`m not going to share. Too much Harry Potter-stuff I thought to myself. When the other participants started to share I was amazed. Two or three other people had seen a vortex of black liquid stuff and a pillar of light. Also the flowers were a theme. So I shared my story as well. The similarities were striking and we were all in awe. This has happened many times before but I`m never going to get used to that I think. I hope that whatever was trapped at that construction site is now free and the people are safe.

So next thing were the healing sessions, one on one. We could use beds again which was nice because I prefer that over a chair or lying on the floor.

I started doing the healing but first I put on some earbuds with meditative music. This is something I decided to try to improve my focus and it worked nicely.
Energy felt strong right from the start which surprised me because these past few months it seemed all energy had gone from me. So I flooded the woman on the table with energy from the head down and it felt very lively. After some time I went to her feet for grounding. Then some brain-balancing and finally I flooded her with unconditional love. I must say that nowadays I try to incorporate non-duality into my healings by realizing that there is only one consciousness and that the person on the table is an expression of that consciousness as am I, but there are no real individuals. So I’m healing myself (and I’m not even doing that, get it 😉).
Afterwards she reported it felt good but intense and at some point she felt she was going to get a headache from the energy but at that exact time I moved to her feet for grounding and she could feel the excess energy flowing away. Cool, ay?

Be well and make use of What Is. 🌺

Healing session

This evening I did a healing session for an acquaintance. She’s a woman I know from the shamballa gatherings and we did a ceremony together once. It seems we also have shared previous lives. I offered her a healing session some time ago and recently this resulted in an actual appointment. Of course I was looking forward to it but I also felt insecure. It has been a while since I did any energy work at home. But I also was looking forward to it because I’ve been wanting to practice more and learn to use crystals during the session. So this evening she arrived and after we chatted a bit we went upstairs to my room. She layed down on the table and I played some nice koshi bells music to get us in the mood. I’m not going into all the details but I put gemstones on all the chakras: Jasper at the root for grounding, rose quartz at the sacral, solar plexus, heart and throat. An aquamarine on the third eye (that works really well!). Finally another rose quartz at the crown. Then I sat down for a few minutes to calm the mind and get focused. I started with holding her head and just making contact. I felt a lot of tension and I let it flow to the earth. Then I used some Violet energy, did some brain balancing and used shamballa. I also used two crystal wands to clean her chakras, something I recently saw in a video. It was fun to do. I spent almost an hour in total. It probably was a healing for both of us because I felt it too, it was nice. It was very good practice and I believe that it even was the first time that someone not from my family was on my table… Hopefully more opportunities will present themselves.

Centrum Elize

Yesterday my partner and me visited Centrum Elize for an energetic massage. We found this through an ad on Social Deal. It sparked our interest and we went to try it. We loved it. Els is a lovely empathic woman and she takes her time with her clients. We booked two subsequent 75-minute sessions but she took all morning. I connected with two friendly cows outside and enjoyed a walk along the canal while my partner lay on the table. While she performs her massage she also works with energy and interprets the signals from the body. She will start a personal dialog with you if you want to. It was a special experience and is highly recommended.

Meditation

Yesterday I had a decent evening meditation. I went upstairs to my room and the moment I had installed myself and I picked up my phone in order to start an email arrived saying Fred Davis has just uploaded a video. I saw it was a guided meditation and I decided to just follow the suggestion and started it. It was a fine meditation and it put me in a pleasant state where I was more or less aware of the Observer. I remained seated like that for 30 more minutes.

After the meditation it was midnight but I wasn’t tired at all and I knew that going to bed was useless, I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Instead I decided to go to the forest. I walked to the bench that is at the open space with my favorite tree. It wasn’t cold and the sky was clear. I sat on the bench and just looked at the stars. After a while I channeled some material for myself (nothing new, just that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and cut myself some slack from time to time) but I don’t know where\whom that was coming from. Could as well be myself. I lied down on the bench for a while and went home to sleep. It was now 01:15.

When I woke up this morning I felt funny; I felt strong emotion in my heart area that I interpreted as longing, but I wasn’t really identified with it. It was just there and I kept my attention on it and let it flow because it had a healing quality to it. I tried to keep my heart open by doing nothing with it. It seemed to flow between my heart, solar plexus and stomach. It just kept going and eventually I had to get up to do my morning meditation. The feeling subsided somewhat but returned during the meditation. A scene suddenly popped up in my head and I saw soil before me covered with leaves from the trees. I was kneeled and on my lap rested the head and shoulders of a person who was dead. I think it was a female and she was dressed like a house maiden would be in the 1700’s.

The flow of emotion felt like grief now. I let it flow and observed while something of a storyline developed. She had made a mistake in the past and had now sacrificed herself to make up for that, but since I loved her the sacrifice caused me great pain. As I sat there holding her I started to give her (and me in the scene) shamballa, light and love and intended to forgive her. I don’t know if it was sufficient but there was a lot of light. The flow has not stopped yet and continues while I write this.

Online Shamballa

This evening I had an online Shamballa session with friends. Since it was a Thursday and we do a shamballa meditation each Tuesday and Thursday for the benefit of Corona victims we discussed doing a guided meditation for that purpose. We couldn’t think of a guided meditation to use. I volunteered to provide guidance off-hand, even though I felt very insecure about that. For about 10 minutes I provided a visualization, I just said what surfaced in my mind without thinking about it too much. It worked very well and I’m glad I gave it a shot.

After that one of the participants had to leave because she didn’t feel so well. Three of us remained and after some chitchat we gave each other a healing. This went very well too and there were some striking similarities between our experiences. Next time will be an online session too but hopefully after that we can start doing in-person sessions again.

Shamballa Online

Last Tuesday I participated in an experimental online Shamballa group session. I helped set it up technically and I grew more and more anxious in the days leading up to the event because I very much wanted it to work. Not only in a technical sense but also I hoped that people would be comfortable with working remotely as opposed to up close in person. Also I had no idea of the interest for this in the Shamballa family and I had no idea what activities the host was planning to do.
When we were setting up the equipment for the event technology failed me of course but luckily I had some spare time and 5 minutes before the go-live everything worked. Phew.
We started the session with 13 people, so that’s 10 external participants. About halfway the session a 14th person joined. I know of one person who wanted to join but was unable to at the last moment, so I’d say there was more than enough interest.
The host started out with a guided meditation (of which I didn’t hear much because I was still too tense and monitoring the session for problems). Already at the start of the session I felt there was a lot of strong energy in the group and I felt cold. Shivers and trembles went over my body and I wondered if the room had gotten cold.
I believe he followed that meditation up with picking an energy card from a deck and holding that up to the camera for a group healing. At this point I was getting more at ease. Then we performed a joint Shamballa healing to support de fearful,sick and lonely people on the globe, supported by the Shamballa family, St.Germain and I believe Mother Maria. This was nice but I still wasn’t fully relaxed because I had to divide my attention between the healing and the technical aspects of the session. Also mind wandered quite a bit but still it felt like a powerful session.
After a short break we were divided up in groups of three and in timeslots of 5 minutes 1 member of the group receives a healing from the other two members. After about 15 minutes everyone had had a turn and there was a feedback round for each person to have an opportunity to share about the session. This worked fine and experiences were comparable to being physically together. I already noticed this because I have done remote sessions before, but still I prefer being with the ‘target’ in the same room.

After all this there was another round of general feedback about the online session and responses were very positive. The concensus was that it can’t fully replace an in-person session but that being impossible , this way is th enext best thing. Also, it’s a learning experience for people who have never done this remotely.

As someone said to me once ; Space isn’t what divides us, it’s what connects us.

I’m very happy with the results and having been able to help this beautiful community. I’m looking forward to the next session which will be held 2-4 weeks from now.

Thanks to all who participated and stay strong!

Shamballa

Together with three other people I usually have a shamballa gathering about once a month. Yesterday evening we did this online, due to the Corona limitations. I was not sure what to expect but I thought it would be a good test for the upcoming larger, more formal online shamballa gathering on the 12th of may.

Of course things don’t work the same compared to being together in the same room, so it takes some getting used to. Normally we would chat a bit, pick some cards from a deck and do a healing on each other and I was curious how this would work in a video meeting. I wasn’t disappointed . Chatting is different because in a session like this it doesn’t work if you keep interrupting each other, but once people learn to only interrupt by exception it works fine. Picking cards was okay too, one person picked the cards for the others and read them out loud. It should make no difference if I pick my card myself or someone else does it for me. Finally we did the healings. As usual we took turns in which one received a healing from the other three. What was funny was that even though we usually work with our eyes closed we all finished within 10 seconds of each other and the person receiving the the energy opens his/her eyes at the same time with no signal being given. This happens when we’re in the same room and now also online. We also noticed that the healing was a lot faster; two or three minutes per session. Our experiences in receiving and giving healing online were similar to doing it in person. All in all it worked fine and even though I still prefer being with persons in the same room this worked quite well.

Looking forward to the session on the 12 to of may!

Evening meditation

Today is a Thursday so at 8pm I went upstairs to do a shamballa meditation.

Mind wandered a lot but that’s okay. After that 15-minute session I decided to offer somebody a healing. She accepted and lied down on my table. It had been a while since I last did this and insecurity tried to convince me to not do this, but I didn’t listen. I asked archangel Michael to bathe the room in white light and asked permission to cleanse the energybody using St.Germain’s Violet flame. I started with my hands on the sides of her head and I had the impression energy was strong, even though I didn’t really feel it. After a short while there was a sudden shift in my mind’s image and instead of flushing her energy body now she was morphing into tree roots; the shape of her body got lost and she turned into a mass of intertwined large roots like you would see in the jungle, becoming one with the Earth. No idea what that was about. After that I started with shamballa, walking around her looking for clues what to do. No ideas came but I trusted my higher self that things were happening without my knowledge. After a while I stopped and I noticed she was shaking a bit, her arm and head were twitching. I observed for a while and wondered if I should do something. Eventually I decided to place some stones around her; a piece of ferrite/pyrite between her feet end a large labradorite below her head on the floor. She instantly got sad and started crying. I comforted her and we were both surprised. She also didn’t feel well but this passed quickly and she went back downstairs. I assume this was something that she needed to process, even though no thoughts or images arose that would explain the source of the sadness. Not sure if this means I did something wrong, I guess I have to trust that it was for the best.

Evening meditation

Today was a combination of healing sessions and an evening meditation. Every Tuesday and Thursday at 20:00 I join the shamballa family to send love and light to all beings and the Earth. This felt strong and interestingly elements of the Goddess female energy meditation yesterday evening found their way into this session. For example, in one of them I fused my body with the body of a Goddess in order to integrate the female energy in mine. During today’s meditations and shamballa sessions I saw I had both a male and female body and I felt it made the energy stronger and more complete or balanced. After 15 minutes I proceeded to give a remote shamballa session to a friend who suffers from severe headaches. I imagined grabbing her head and white light started to flow into her head until her head was a beacon of bright white light. Then I asked permission to clean her energy body and for assistance from my guides, stGermain and her guides in doing that. I used the Violet energy and imagined it transmuting everything that didn’t serve her anymore. Meanwhile the guides where working on her as well. When this was done her body was filled with golden energy and it was encapsulated in a cocoon of white light. The purpose of the cocoon was to shield her from the fear of other people, making it easier for her to remain in her own power. When this whole process was complete I thanked all who helped and to my surprise only 7 minutes had passed. The energy still felt strong so I continued and gave a family member a session. Again, it was strong and my male\female bodies were there again. There also was pink energy just like the Goddess meditations yesterday. Interesting.