What am I doing all this for? It’s bringing me nothing. Am I doing it right? Why can’t I just be happy? Why does it all have to be so complicated? What do I want in this life? I’m never going to ‘get it’. Lethargy. Depression. Playing ‘all is okay’. What is the POINT of all this? Feeling a hole that cannot be filled.
Etcetera etcetera.
These were the dominating moods the past weeks, and they still are. I don’t know what’s ‘in the air’ but it seems that other people are struggling too.

I’m oscillating between being consumed by these thoughts\emotions and the strong suspicion that true happiness does not depend on external factors – it is found within.

So I’m trying to get out of that and for that I need energy. Yesterday I searched Netflix for something spiritual and it returned Goop Acedemy, a docuseries. The second episode was about Wim Hof and how he uses cold to energize himself. This made me remember my old habit of taking cold showers that I did for a while and then I stopped doing that again. This morning I decided to re-try that and after cycling to work I did some deep breathing and stepped straight into the cold shower. The trick is to maintain deep breaths because the body wants to cramp up and gasp. I took my deep breaths and after about 10-15 seconds my body started to adjust and it was not so challenging anymore. After 30 seconds the water wasn’t uncomfortable anymore and I was able to go on and wash my bdy and hair. It didn’t matter anymore. Amazing how body\mind can adapt.

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