Mood-o-meter

Well, things have been intense last month as it seems to be for everyone. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a period with so much upheaval at some many levels at this scale. Makes you wonder where all this is going. Last month was challenging, lots of ups and down but what I noticed is that the downs seems to be getting deeper and the ups not as high. I had a number of significant dips last month where I got this feeling of despair, like this life is leading nowhere but I don’t even know where it should lead – I only know I’d like to be calm and happy but how? Non-duality is a key here but that ‘concept’ is so simple it becomes complicated.
There is no Dennis. Full stop.
So what does that mean? Thought arise but they are not mine. I am the one that is aware of thought. The same goes for emotions, sensations, anything that is an observable object in awareness. Because I AM that awareness.
How does one navigate one’s day with this? Even having briefly seen that non-duality is a higher truth, it doesn’t help me because that Knowing is not present here now and I know it so it frustrates me. That way pursuing non-duality is actually adding to the suffering instead of helping.
Meditations are nice – they can be a great break from the turmoil in the head but this is just a break, when I get up the suffering returns because thoughts come back and I still identify with them. As Fred Davis has said: “Meditation is nice when it happens, but I notice that afterwards I’m still in my living room” meaning nothing has changed. As a result I’m meditating less now.
So I notice a steady rising of difficult mind stuff like unrest, doubt, fear, frustration, impatience, anger and the likes. Many times I can handle it by observing it or even using it for inquiry (can I find the owner of that thought or emotion?) but sometimes it makes me lose my temper and I do or say stuff I later consider unskillful.
So I feel uneasily adrift, not knowing where I’m going or where this world is going or what I should do, while knowing that it all ultimately doesn’t matter and I should just observe life and this unit’s actions unfold before me because whatever happens in this life – it can’t touch Me because I am the infinite consciousness dreaming this world.

To all Fellow Travellers out there: stay strong and may you be well 🌸

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