Mood-o-meter

A while ago I posted that my daily routine is a Microcosmic Orbit, a light meditation and a higher self meditation. This scheme lasted a week or so before it fell apart, but that’s okay because I more and more let things go as they do. I still do these meditations when I feel like it. I don’t have to manage what Dennis is doing and I have no control anyway so this is much easier. I notice more and more that I see myself making plans and then decide to let it go. For example I might think in the evening that next morning I’m going to get up early, meditate and work out. But then I let that go and decide to just wait and see what will happen tomorrow morning. In practice I see that sometimes meditation and working out doesn’t happen when I planned it, and  it does when I didn’t. I see more and more examples of this and it leads me to not think about decisions, they will happen when needed. Of course there is still a lot of thinking going on here but this is just an interesting development I noticed.

Another development is that I have been listening to a mantra a lot lately. I listen whenever I can and sing along with it if I can, too. Singing has a healing quality to it, it opens me up which is nice because I’m a very closed person. Many times I feel softer now while circumstances haven’t changed.I also noticed I give less and less importance to my history, it doesn’t define me. The same goes for my opinions and positions. I even give less importance to the world, in a way. I just let it do it’s crazy thing (and I know crazy is a judgement, but that’s okay). This doesn’t mean that I don’t do my best to be a ‘good person’ , but I’m just not that heavy about it.

The process of not thinking about things more than necessary is also going forward. The need to understand is strong , but I notice that whether I understand something or not doesn’t really make a difference to my experience.

Desires are strong as always but I’m working on letting them be , just like anything else. This is particularly hard; desires are at the root of ego but I notice that it’s possible to observe desires like any other emotion and decide to do nothing with it. I say it’s hard but that doesn’t mean it involves effort, the only hard part is to not go into the magnetic thought streams that desires tend to produce to amplify themselves , so actually it is only observing which is effortless.

So there is a lot going on, but it’s slow and with ups and downs. This week is an up week , feeling relatively positive and energetic while the weeks before were predominantly down.
Everything is passing so no use in clinging to anything.

be well! 🌸🙏

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