I’ve been wanting to post here about my current experience but I find that difficult. There’s just so much confusion I don’t know where to start.
I find myself battling with so many strong emotions. Frustration, resentment, all kinds of deep desires etcetera. They’ve been with me for such a long time now it seems I’m either too stubborn to learn my lesson or I’m just missing something. It’s wearing me out.

At the same time I try to see these feelings and emotions as arisings without an owner. As ‘I’ have seen in the past, there is no Dennis. I am the Observer , the awake space in which all objects that are perceived arise and pass. The awakeness is always there, but the objects come and go. It’s just that Awakeness is mistakenly identified with what is perceived instead of the Observer (I Am) itself. Having seen this in the past doesn’t mean though that it is Known right now. When ‘I’ perceived Truth, it was a Knowing that is at the cellular level , or so it felt. It is not a function of the brain or the result of thought. It is not deduced or the produce of rational reason. It is simply Known and there is no thought involved in that. Awakeness had a Dennis-free moment. It lasted only a few seconds however and now it is merely a memory of ‘Dennis’. So I try to keep in mind that there is no Dennis and I’m not the owner of these feelings and emotions or any other feeling or emotion. It’s like when you walk in the woods and a leaf falls from a tree. It falls through the air before you on its way to the soil. You don’t look at that leaf and say “that’s my leaf. It’s a bad leaf. I want it to be different.” No. It’s just a leaf, it briefly passed through your awareness and you attributed no personal value to it. It’s the same with thoughts , emotions, feelings , anything and everything you can perceive. So I try to remind myself of this and that these emotions are not mine – they just are, but the Knowing is gone so the suffering is present. Rationally knowing that they are not mine does not change my experience.

So this is the split I’m in. I’m looking to either solve the situation so that these emotions are resolved and I can be at ease again, but there really is no acceptable solution so the only way ‘out’ is to find my way to Truth again.

I hope working with Fred Davis will help , but I also know that it’s Dennis who is doing the hoping 😄 Argh……

Centrum Elize

Yesterday my partner and me visited Centrum Elize for an energetic massage. We found this through an ad on Social Deal. It sparked our interest and we went to try it. We loved it. Els is a lovely empathic woman and she takes her time with her clients. We booked two subsequent 75-minute sessions but she took all morning. I connected with two friendly cows outside and enjoyed a walk along the canal while my partner lay on the table. While she performs her massage she also works with energy and interprets the signals from the body. She will start a personal dialog with you if you want to. It was a special experience and is highly recommended.

Evening meditation

This evening I got final confirmation that I’m admitted in the student program conducted by Fred Davis. I successfully enlisted yesterday already but doubts arose in me whether I really qualified for the program. Today I got the good news. This has a great effect on me and I feel like this is the beginning of a whole new chapter. A sense of calm came over me and in my evening meditation just now I just sat mindfully for an hour without effort. Just keeping attention at the breath and allowing everything to be, witnessing it. Thoughts, sensations, feelings and emotions come and go, but the witnessing attention is always there. Sometimes mind wandered for a bit but that didn’t bother me. Meanwhile part of my attention was circulating energy up the back and down the front of the torso, which felt nice. It didn’t cost much effort. It’s nice to be able to meditate this way again after a long period of difficulty.

I hope this stays for a while but we will see.


Fred Davis

I’ve been on the lookout for a teacher for quite a while now. My problem was however to find one that is established , trustworthy , accessible, preferably male and affordable too. That’s a lot to ask.
Yesterday I was looking at Fred Davis’ website and there was a post that there were openings in his student program. This program has been full the last few years so immediately I jumped at the opportunity. I was admitted and for the coming two months I’ll be attending a weekly Satsang (group session via Zoom) and a monthly hour of 1:1 with Fred.

We’ll see where it takes us.


It’s been a while since I posted anything about myself here. That’s because I’ve been very busy and focused on the awakening course by Fred Davis I was attending. It disrupted my daily routine and what’s more, work was very busy and I also had a lot of practical stuff to figure out like where to go on holiday since our flights to Thailand had been cancelled. During this time I had all these practical problems to solve and simultaneously tried to focus on the awakening course. My meditation routine was disrupted too. This created a mess in my head which prevented me from being clear enough to write anything useful here. It still is very messy in my head. A lot of dust still needs to settle.

The course by Fred Davis consisted of an awakening session on Saturday June 13th, followed a clarity session on the subsequent two Saturdays. The awakening session was essentially a neti neti session but with a twist. Fred attacked the adopted identity of a Dennis. The Dennis with his name, history, opinions,traumas,desires etc. You come to see that these things are all just thoughts in your head and have no real reality to them. Also , since we identify with the body , Fred goes ahead and goes on a structured search in the body. Where is this Dennis located? It’s nowhere to be found! It worked well and I could feel that I identified much less with the body and the concept of ‘Dennis’, but identification with thoughts remained strong. What’s more, I didn’t experience a radical shift like I did at a party about a year ago. I knew I’d be trying to re-create that experience and I know ‘Dennis’ can’t do it because I know – from reason and experience – that ‘Dennis’ does not exist. Experiences happen but they have no owner. Still there was a big sense of disappointment after the awakening session because ‘I’ hadn’t woken up. It has taken me a few weeks to get over that.

I’m very grateful I had the opportunity to participate in this course. I (un)learned a great deal. I did not wake up but several others in the course clearly did which is amazing. The course was recorded and the video will be available for renting after next weekend, so if you want to see me ‘fail’ you can rent that video.😉 I’ll post a link when it’s available.

I highly recommend this course. It really has the potential to wake people up, I’ve seen it happen! An equally good recommendation is the audiobook ‘Awaken Now!’ by Fred Davis, which is a transcript of a one-on-one awakening session as he does with clients. The book can be accessed here for free if you start a trial month of Audible. It’s total length is about three and a half hours. I listened to all of it in an extended meditation and I found it *really* good. I can imagine it wakes people up and makes them realize their true nature, I’m just a tough cookie. But the course and this audiobook both shook my foundation so I’m keeping at it.

To finish this post here is a quote from Fred Davis:

Truth #1: we make stuff up in our heads.
Truth #2: we believe the stuff we make up.
Truth #3: we suffer because we believe the stuff we make up.
Truth #4: we go on a spiritual path because we suffer from believing the stuff we made up.

I’ll be back soon. Be well 🙏

Age of Aquarius meditation


Dear Friends – Lightworkers,

There is less than 24 hours left until our global mass Meditation for Activation of the Golden Age of Aquarius on our Planet.

When the time comes, find a comfortable quiet place and set aside 20 minutes to follow the instructions or guided meditation audio below:

1. Use your own technique to bring you to a relaxed state of consciousness.
2. State your intent to use this meditation as a tool to co-create the trigger that will start the Age of Aquarius.
3. Invoke the Violet Flame from its primary source to place a circle of protection around you during and after the meditation. Ask it to transmute anything that does not serve the Light.
4. Visualize a pillar of brilliant white Light emanating from the Cosmic Central Sun, then being distributed to Central Suns of all galaxies in this universe. Then visualize this light entering through the Galactic Central Sun, then going through our Galaxy, then entering our Solar System and going through all beings of Light inside our Solar System and then through all beings on planet Earth and also through your body to the center of the Earth.
5. Visualize this Light transmuting all remaining darkness on Earth, healing all inequalities, erasing all poverty and bringing abundance to all humanity. Visualize soft pink Light of the Goddess embracing all beings on planet Earth and healing their emotional bodies. Visualize a new grand cosmic cycle of the Age of Aquarius beginning, bringing pure Light, Love and Happiness to all beings on Earth. 
(Suggested time for this meditation is 20 minutes.)


We will be doing our Age of Aquarius Part 2 meditation at the exact moment of Jupiter Pluto conjunction on June 30th at 7:48am CEST (Amsterdam time).

Make this viral! Share it worldwide!

Please post it on your websites and blogs. Invite spiritual groups to join us. If you know an alternative media outlet, you can send it to them. You can create a Facebook event for your local group of people doing this in your part of the world. We also need one main Facebook group for this event. You can create a video about this and post it on Youtube.

Together we can make this information viral and create a huge positive impact!