I’m focusing on non-duality for the moment. Yesterday and today were unusually clear days for me, it was relatively easy to ‘find’ the I Am feeling which is the canvas for all objects in consciousness. From this perspective life is like a movie that is played before you, but a very elaborate movie that not only includes sight and sound but all senses as well as thoughts and emotions. It’s not like I was in a non-dual state but it was easier than usual to sense a kind of distance between me (awareness) and what is being perceived. All that is needed is to stay aware of the fact that perception is happening and that everything in consciousness comes and goes except awareness – that’s permanent.
That is not to say that I was peaceful or anything, there are lots of worries, doubts and tensions inside but I kind of use them to stay in observation mode.
Tonight I was at a birthday party, the same place where I had a very short experience of non-duality in February. I was sitting at the table in a chair and I was feeling pretty clear , I noticed hearing the people talking and I could notice that there was sound coming in and there was hearing, but no ‘hearer’. I’ve heard this many times; that there is only seeing but no see-er, feeling but no feel-er, smell but no smeller, thought but no thinker etc but always found this difficult to notice for myself. Now I could see it fairly clearly. Hearing just happens. It was funny because I heard the sound of the talking and I knew my brain was interpreting the sound as language into meaning but this was a process that is fully automatic and requires no effort at all. It just happens. ‘I’ didn’t do anything.
I was wondering why this happened there again and it occurred to me that normally around that time I would be meditating at home. Maybe my mind went into a more meditative state out of habit?