works in progress

maybe it’s a good idea to sum up what’s going on with my spiritual practice at the moment. These are the works in progress:

  • learn to rely on – and trust – myself. Myself having dual meanings ; I’m learning to rely on the strength of myself , the person or Small Self. Not making myself dependent on other people for progress. Trust my own decisions and commit to them. Take responsibility for the outcome. Don’t take refuge in victimizing myself or feeling lonely but go out there and do stuff , initiate change.
    Trusting myself in this context refers to Big Self , the Higher Self. Following my intuition and feeling.
  • Be present in the moment during the day and try to accept it fully no matter what it is. Observe thoughts and emotions , not being carried away by them. Be cautious about thoughts and whether or not I believe them. Observe physical sensations.
  • Build the strength of my energy and my faculty of sensing energy , this is where the Microcosmic Orbit meditation comes in. Maybe it’ll result in my Kundalini rising , that would be welcome but I’m not going to force it.
  • Come to see my true nature , meaning there is no Self , no ego : only oneness. I had a taste of this so I know it is so , but at this point it is only a memory of the false ego. I’m trying to work my way back to oneness but I also know that’s not possible. The ego (the person we think we are) does not actually exist so it technically cannot be liberated. It is oneness that comes to see itself , and comes to see the ego for what it is: a collection of patterns we call opinions , memories , aversions , preferences , possessions , status , roles etc. etc. All I can do is try to stay aware of this I Am feeling , the feeling of Being that is looking through my eyes. That is the closest the ego can get to reality. I think.
  • Build my faculty of energy healing.
    This is a front line for my ego. I did a course on this but my ego is convinced I cannot do this , fuelling my insecurity. This also can be observed as mere thougts and emotions however. I’m just being stubborn and faithful that I can do it and reality has shown me signs that I can , enough to keep me going. It’s getting better. I just love to do this kind of activity and it feels good. Also I like to challenge myself.
  • Think less and feel more. (left / right brain).Let go of the need to understand everything before I accept it’s real. I’ve already come a long way in this.

Of course integrating all this in daily life takes time and the degree in which I’m succesful varies from day to day , but that’s okay.

Also I would like to develop unconditional love, work out karma of this life and all previous ones and get enlightened , learn astral travel , lucid dreaming and psychic abilities 🙂

Maybe I’ll elaborate on some of these topics later.

Microcosmic Orbit #23

Spent the most of this day in the sauna with my wife, experimented there with doing MCO while floating, in the bubble bath and in the sauna. Did not work out very well so I did it again when I got home.

Concentration was better than the last days but still not steady. No energy sensations apart from the usual 3rd eye pressure. Felt calm and at ease after.

Maybe I should do more preparation before starting the actual MCO? Right now I dive right in when I sit. Maybe next time I’ll try and spend a few minutes preparing for the MCO by doing some belly breathing or something. I know this exercise takes a while to gain momentum so I also have to be patient. Not my strongest feat 😐

Celestine

I came across this beautiful celestine geode yesterday at a place where you would not expect it. It doesn’t show on the pic how nice it is and it weighs almost 4 kg. I fell in love and subsequently it became my father’s day present 🙂

Microcosmic Orbit #22

I’m staying with my family in a nice Airbnb in a rural area and woke up early so I had peace and quiet to do my daily MCO. Concentration was not steady, mind kept going back to the plans for today and the impressions of yesterday. No energy sensations in the body. After the MCO I continued to breathe in energy through my chakras one by one for a few minutes. Because the rest of my family was still sleeping I continued and added a Violet Flame meditation. I used to do this one daily for a long time. It is used to clean your energy field. In the beginning this one gave me strong sensations but they faded slowly so I guess that my energy field was so clean there was nothing to do 😁. This time there were mild sensations so maybe I will do this meditation weekly from now on.

Semen retention

In Qi Gong it appears to be customary to also practice semen retention to conserve the energy otherwise lost in ejaculation. The risk associated with this retention is that the build-up of energy results in wet dreams or other unwanted side effects. To prevent this, a common remedy is to dissipate the energy using the microcosmic orbit meditation. Since I’m already doing that meditation and I’m interested in maximizing my energy, I ‘m applying this retention too.

Microcosmic Orbit #20

MCO went fine, concentration was decent so little distraction. It takes some getting used to with the new approach as described in the last one but it went fine and it feels better. No sensations of energy this time other than the usual pressure around the 3rd eye. There was some slight discomfort around the spine but that may not be related. After the session feeling nicely calm and with a slight buzzy feeling throughout the body.

Feeling good , strong and open to change.

Evening meditation

I put on some gong sound bath music on the stereo and sat on the cushion. I decided to just concentrate primarily on my breath and observe body sensations. Then I started breathing in energy into my lower Dantian. I imagined drawing in a energetic mist into the lower Dantian on the in breath. At the out breath I image the energy being compressed by two hands and stored there. I also (automatically) contract the pelvic floor muscles at the out breath. I did this for a while and it felt good but I feared it may not be wise to do this for too long so I switched to other chakras as well. The root chakra gave no sensations, as usual. The sacral chakra slight warmth. The heart chakra did respond but it’s hard to describe the sensation, it’s like getting heavy and expanding. The throat chakra I skipped for no reason. The third eye responded strongly with feelings of unpleasant pressure like someone is trying to push a finger into my forehead and slowly massaging it going around in slow circles. I did this only shortly. The crown chakra I skipped for no reason. Sometimes I stopped to focus on the gong sounds for a few minutes. After 50 minutes I stopped, feeling relaxed and with a slight buzzing feeling in the body.

Sleepy time.

Microcosmic Orbit #19

I just did my 19th MCO.
Contracting my pelvic floor muscles at the outbreath has become almost automatic so that gives me room to change other details of the meditation.
In previously sessions I would breathe in the energy into the energyball from outside my body directly to where the ball is at that moment.
What I learned from the book of Yang Jwing-Ming is that it is better to let the energy enter through the 3rd eye to the center of my brain and let it follow the path to the energyball along the points as depicted here:

It makes the meditation more complex again and will take a few sessions to get used to.
The last few sessions there is a sense of subtle heat around my sacral chakra and lower Dantian. Also there is strong pressure around my 3rd eye but that is standard for me when I do any meditation.
I don’t feel energy movement yet except when the ball moves from the crown to the 3rd eye , there the ball gets ‘sticky’ and it is difficult to move it to the throat.