Lately I don’t know what to write because there simply isn’t much going on. This evening however was interesting. I sat down to do a Light meditation and after some time I invited my spirit guides to join me. I envisioned myself as a bright light of consciousness and saw the others as bright lights too, we formed a circle. In the middle there was a Violet Flame. The scene felt joyous. Then the flame and the lights kind of merged and there was this expanded spacious feeling. I thought of the tree consciousness and they joined in the party as well. All consciousness shares the same source. The lights of consciousness were merged with mine and it was flowing but there still was the sense of individuality. I felt very calm and there was a subtle detachment or gap between awareness and the physical experience. I was still aware of everything but more detached and at peace. I could feel the legs were hurting a bit but it was not a problem. My personal problems didn’t seem very important either. I got the impression I was supposed to take the two amethyst crystals I often use and I ‘heard’ “Let’s give you a little boost” in my head. So I took the crystals in my hand and immediately a wave of tingles went through my body which had a healing quality to it and the meditation got deeper. I remained seated for about 45 minutes, enjoying and exploring this state. Sometimes there still was a little mind wandering but that was okay and I could easily go back to this peaceful state as soon as I noticed it. I wished I could have stayed seated longer but I had to stop. I dedicated the merits of this meditation to all sentient beings.
Tonight I did a Violet Flame followed by a Light meditation. It wasn’t very lively. After that I remained seated for another half hour focusing on the breath but I’m still kind of ‘out of it’. In meditation it’s hard to focus and during the day I’m not as centered as I can be but that ready to explain since there is enough stuff going on to distract me. The tree thing is also keeping me busy. I really want to learn to channel and now that I’ve had a taste of it I want to practice but I don’t know how. I don’t want to learn it from a book or site because then I’m creating patterns and expectations in my head, I want to develop my own way. I have to try and ignore my own low self esteem in this.
I did a Light meditation this morning but I’m a bit ‘out of it’. Mind wandered a lot and I’m battling with myself about that tree experiment. I want to do it again because I know now I can do it (like everyone can) but forcing it doesn’t work. I need to give it more time and practice but patience is not my greatest asset 😬.
I visited the trees in the park again tonight. It was a beautiful evening and I enjoyed being there. I attempted to channel something for myself but I had no burning questions. I talked into my phone but I felt I was making up the words myself. I suspect it helps to have a clear pointed question in your mind when doing this. The absence of a clear question combined with a lack of trust that I could do it again made it a ‘failure’. I expected this and I know I have to keep practicing. Two days ago things happened kind of spontaneous and now that I want to do it again it feels forced and it won’t work. I will keep working on it because I feel this is important and will bring me closer to my true nature.
At home I followed up with a Light meditation. This didn’t feel very lively, it’s just one of those days. Better luck tomorrow.
This evening I took a small camping stool and went back to the tree in the park. I had no intention of channeling it, I just wanted to spend some time meditating with it and get a feel for the tree. I sat near the trunk of the tree in the dark. It was quite cold but manageable. Animals were around me foraging between the leaves on the ground. After about 30 minutes I thanked the tree(s) and headed home again. At home I did an extra Light meditation because I had a hyped-up feeling in my body.
Lately I’m a bit sloppy and unguided with my meditations again, but I don’t mind and let it be. I just did a Light meditation again because I felt like it and it was good. My heart area was open and there was a pleasant heat in it.
This evening I found myself alone at home, sitting on the couch not knowing how to spend my evening.
I got the idea of going into the woods nearby and see what it is like there in the dark. I walked over there and before entering the woods I asked for permission to enter and stated my intentions; ‘to learn and interact’. (the Shamanic book I’m reading teaches this as common protocol , asking for permission and stating your intention of being there. I find this a good practice)
I walked to an opening where I knew there is a bench and I sat down. In that open space there is a fairly large tree and I decided I would try getting in contact with it. I closed my eyes and asked for the tree’s permission. I first apologized for all the unskillful acts my species is doing to trees and nature as a whole. I tried to ‘reach out’ with my consciousness towards the tree but to no avail. How does that work? I have no idea. Do I need to be in a trance or another altered state? Then I decided to try to just talk. I started the recorder app on my phone and just started talking without worrying about the words or sentences as they form. This is what I recorded:
All is well , do not be afraid. You will get where you need to be with any means. It’s not necessary to learn any lesson in a particular order. Enjoy the ride and have fun with it.
At that point no more words came to mind, or I took back control. It all didn’t feel special or so, it’s more a letting go of control and just letting it happen. Of course my sceptic mind immediately decided that these words were made up by myself or by my subconscious mind. I remained seated for about 15 more minutes and decided to leave. I got up and thanked the tree. At the moment I did that two birds came flying out of the treeline behind me. I could see their silhouettes above me against the starlit sky. They were fairly large and didn’t make a sound, maybe owls or so? They made a circle about two meters above my head and flew back into the trees behind me. I left with a smile on my face.