My recent fear was unjustified and a very valuable lesson was learned (again) ; not to let mind create what is not there. Mind created huge future problems in my head which in turn produced great fear and anxiety and it was all for nothing. Had I stayed with ‘what is’ and not tried to deduce what might happen in the near future, a lot of stress would have been prevented.
Having all this fear about events that might happen in the near future gave me an opportunity to practice being open and trusting to life, accepting whatever comes on my path. At times when I managed to be accepting, the anxiety was absent. When I couldn’t accept and was off-center, anxiety raged. The reality around me is the same in both cases, but the experience of it is very different.
Another big lesson was seeing my egoic attachment to the image others have of me. I thought I didn’t really care about that but I do- and a lot more than I was willing to admit. This episode has shown me just that.
The last few days have been tough and it’s not over yet. I was warned recently that a period of fear was coming and this has turned out to be very true. It’s amazing to see how my mind will take what’s going on and go wild with making the worst possible story for me to worry about. I notice I’m much better equipped now to handle that stress but it’s still very challenging. Also it has shown me how I’m still very much attached to being perceived as a good professional, much more than I thought I was.
Yep, another Light meditation… It was the third one today and I started feeling more positive and strong as the day progressed. This evening the energy of the light meditation was back for a large part. After a few minutes I asked my Task Companion again for some extra energy and again it worked but not as strong as yesterday. This time the energy went into my head which made sense again since there is also a storage space there. It also caused pressure around my third eye. I finished the 20 minutes of guidance I recorded myself and remained sitting for another half hour, using the image in my mind of a body filled with light as the mediation object. A mild sense of peace came over me . Then my mind jumped to my inner child. I never ignore this, I always spend some time with my inner child if this comes up. This time we just cuddled and and after a few minutes I put him to bed with his favorite stuffed animal. I watched him sleep peacefully for a few moments.
I’m feeling quite depressed and depleted since Friday. I know these things pass and I try not to attribute to much importance to it but it’s just that the defenses are down and things I thought I had overcome start bugging me again. The light in the light meditations is weak now, the same this morning. Then I remembered reading in More Messages from Michael that there is something unique about the Task Companion (TC); in contrast to others this soul can give you energy without depleting itself.
So I simply asked my task companion (about which I have no further information) to send me some energy if possible. Immediately I felt warmth in my belly which I thought was logical because that’s an important storage of energy. The warmth continued building up for a while and I thanked my TC for the energy, feeling somewhat better.
I have a lot of interest in my previous lives. I have some scattered info but not much. I was wondering why I would want to know anything about previous lives and I do see some benefits but also dangers. If I’m afraid of open water then it might be useful to know I’ve drowned in the previous life; at least you know where it came from. It can also be very useful if the previous life generated karma that one still has to account for, this can make one understand difficult relations in this current life. But there is also a danger. Our personal history in this life is the main building block of the false ego. Take away a person’s history and their sense of personality will be severely diminished. Knowledge about previous lives (especially the lives one could be proud of) could easily be added to the personal history and become part of the construct of the false self.
I’m helping to set up a workshop on the Michael Teachings by Shepherd Hoodwin in Amsterdam next March. More details about that will be posted as they become clear. In preparation I was watching a YouTube video of him at another workshop. It’s very interesting. For example, in this part he explains what it means to have a Goal of Flow.
Also, from that video I learned a bit more about the Centers. If you’re in the Physical Center then thoughts and emotions follow your physical state. So if you feel down, you can make yourself physically more comfortable (take a hot bath or something like that) and this will make you feel better mentally also. If you’re in the Intellectual Center like me, you can make yourself feel better by changing your thoughts. Because Thought is how you primarily interpret the world when in the Intellectual Center, the emotions form as a result of the thoughts. This ‘changing’ or ‘choosing’ your thoughts has many aspects about it that in the past made me wonder whether this is a good thing to do, but I can’t deny that it seems to work (if I remember to do it…). It just feels unnatural and counterintuitive. I guess it’s an example of the Dominion over the mind that st. Germain keeps emphasizing.
Most light meditations aren’t very eventful and I don’t log those here like last evening; focus was horrible and mind was all over the place. It seems that every time I have one of those stronger meditations I need to recharge or something and the subsequent meditations will be dull.
Tonight was a strong light meditation. After a few minutes my body started feeling ‘buzzy’, I guess from the energy. I felt quite nice and sometimes a wave of tingles would come over my torso. Something I also started doing lately is to imagine the light flowing into my head and fusing the two brain halves so that it becomes one. I did that tonight also and somehow the light just kept getting brighter and brighter in my head and the energy got quite strong. A feeling of pressure built up in my head and there also was a lot of pressure on the third eye. At one point there was like a ‘pop’ in my head and the energy instantly got a lot more intense but nothing else happened. I thought of the tree and I imagined it talking to me. I had something of a conversation with it but I can’t remember it anymore except we expressed mutual love. Then I did the same with the Guides, they told me I was vulnerable and open now and I should be careful so I asked archangel Michael for a pillar of light . Then they told me I would have a period of dealing with fear because fear blocks the seeing of Truth. I remember being doubtful that it was my own thoughts again. I had to stop because I was very tired so I thanked everyone and went to bed.
It’s been a bit chaotic the last few days, I’ve been meditating with friends and at Sangoma which is nice but it means I skipped my Light meditation a few times. So tonight I was in my meditation room again to catch up. I noticed that I had missed my room so I guess the energy there is good for me. I started out with a 20 minute light meditation which felt good and followed that up with a 10-minute Violet Flame meditation which also felt quite powerful. After that I remained seated for another 20 minutes just being aware and I noticed something. I always wonder why it is that sometimes (rarely) I get these spontaneous images (like angels descending upon me or other stuff) but most of the time I don’t get anything. I think I noticed now that I’m so used to try to maintain focus on something that it’s hard for me to give room for anything. For example, when I focus on the breath , as soon as anything else comes into my awareness I’ll stop that and go back to the breath. So I’m actually killing anything spontaneous. What I’ve tried now is to be more discerning what the distraction is; if my attention moved away from the meditation object I try to check what’s happening- if it’s a thought stream (like shopping lists and the likes) I take my attention back to the object. If it’s anything else like images I let it be and give it space depending on the nature of the images. This is a bit difficult as it is un-learning a habit for me but it felt more spacious when I did that. I’ll keep trying to do it this way and see what happens.
This evening we were visiting some friends. We chatted and meditated together. They had setup a number of large crystal grids with a chair in the center; one to ‘open up and charge up’ consisting of amethysts, clear quartz and rose quartz. A second one was ‘earthing’ using rings of mahogany obsidian, tourmaline and septary. A third one was to ‘bring us home’ and consisted of a large blue calcite sphere surrounded by large quartz crystals. Additionally there were large citrine crystal in the corners of the room and in the center was a labradorite sphere the size of a soccer ball. It was quite a setup. We each took a chair and meditated for an hour, rotating positions every 20 minutes so everyone could experience every position. It was nice to feel the difference between the grids. The first one felt bright, energizing and penetrating, the second one felt ‘safe and soothing’ and the last one made me feel confident like it’s going to be okay. For me there were not much visuals or images that came to mind, but the others saw all kinds of beautiful things.