maybe it’s a good idea to sum up what’s going on with my spiritual practice at the moment. These are the works in progress:
- learn to rely on – and trust – myself. Myself having dual meanings ; I’m learning to rely on the strength of myself , the person or Small Self. Not making myself dependent on other people for progress. Trust my own decisions and commit to them. Take responsibility for the outcome. Don’t take refuge in victimizing myself or feeling lonely but go out there and do stuff , initiate change.
Trusting myself in this context refers to Big Self , the Higher Self. Following my intuition and feeling.
- Be present in the moment during the day and try to accept it fully no matter what it is. Observe thoughts and emotions , not being carried away by them. Be cautious about thoughts and whether or not I believe them. Observe physical sensations.
- Build the strength of my energy and my faculty of sensing energy , this is where the Microcosmic Orbit meditation comes in. Maybe it’ll result in my Kundalini rising , that would be welcome but I’m not going to force it.
- Come to see my true nature , meaning there is no Self , no ego : only oneness. I had a taste of this so I know it is so , but at this point it is only a memory of the false ego. I’m trying to work my way back to oneness but I also know that’s not possible. The ego (the person we think we are) does not actually exist so it technically cannot be liberated. It is oneness that comes to see itself , and comes to see the ego for what it is: a collection of patterns we call opinions , memories , aversions , preferences , possessions , status , roles etc. etc. All I can do is try to stay aware of this I Am feeling , the feeling of Being that is looking through my eyes. That is the closest the ego can get to reality. I think.
- Build my faculty of energy healing.
This is a front line for my ego. I did a course on this but my ego is convinced I cannot do this , fuelling my insecurity. This also can be observed as mere thougts and emotions however. I’m just being stubborn and faithful that I can do it and reality has shown me signs that I can , enough to keep me going. It’s getting better. I just love to do this kind of activity and it feels good. Also I like to challenge myself.
- Think less and feel more. (left / right brain).Let go of the need to understand everything before I accept it’s real. I’ve already come a long way in this.
Of course integrating all this in daily life takes time and the degree in which I’m succesful varies from day to day , but that’s okay.
Also I would like to develop unconditional love, work out karma of this life and all previous ones and get enlightened , learn astral travel , lucid dreaming and psychic abilities 🙂
Maybe I’ll elaborate on some of these topics later.