I did another Light meditation this evening and this time it didn’t feel very lively or effective but that’s okay, it helps me see if there are expectations at work or not.
Afterwards I continued sitting because the light meditation is only 20 minutes and I felt like sitting longer.
I decided to stay in the I Am feeling and I think this is the same as staying in the Now. A new little insight as well as some old ones popped up and I thought these are worth posting.
The new insight was the way I observe the Now, or the I Am feeling. This is hard to explain, but I noticed that I’ve always looked at the now in some passive/static way, as if it’s a painting with some moving parts in it that I notice. Or when looking at the ripples in a pond, there is not a single molecule of water in that pond that is not moving, but I only see the ripples. Still I can be aware that the whole pond is in motion. So now I looked at it more as a flow, it’s not just the things you notice that are different (usually we notice things because they are a detectable change compared to the ‘previous’ Now) but everything is different. It’s not detectable with our physical senses but we can feel it is true. This is a different attitude towards the now that made it feel much more dynamic and alive.
We seem to automatically categorize sense input in two categories: that which is Outside and that which is Inside. This is incorrect and it can be easily seen; just try this during your next meditation:
When you are calm and still, wait until you hear a sound. A sound is coming from ‘outside’, but notice the place in consciousness where that sound is located. Next, wait until you notice a thought , a thought should be ‘inside’, right? Do the same excercise, where is the thought located?
What you’ll notice that they have the same location; they’re all without location – they’re just inside the space that is awareness. There IS no in- out outside to you. Consciousness is not contained by skin.
The attitude to maintain witnessing the Now is one of allowing everything. There is no waiting, no ‘what’s next’ and no judging. If the leg starts twitching, fine. If a nasty thought arises, fine. If there is annoyance because the neighbors are yelling, fine. Don’t resist What Is.
Sometimes I can get annoyed if I’m unable to maintain focus, or I’m not as clear as I was yesterday. It’s important to see that this annoyance is noticed. This noticing IS awareness and this is your true nature. So in fact it makes no difference if you’re annoyed, as long as you notice it. When you’re aware of noticing, you’re as awake and present as you can be.
Of course there are more aspects to the Now, but that was not the point of this post.