I’m making a point lately of noticing when there is fear and going right into it. These can be big things or small things. A small thing is for example telling people I meditate should the subject arise. It may sound silly but I felt uncomfortable about that for a long time , probably because there was ( and still is ) a battle going on inside me between the skeptic , rational intellect (left brain) that needs to Understand stuff and the open , holistic and irrational right brain that Knows stuff.
A small example of fear today was doing an excercise I have been told to do by the fysiologist for my shoulder issue ; I have to stand up and extend my arms to the sides. Arms bent , one hand pointing down and the other horizontal. The eyes look at the horizontal hand. Then I’m supposed to rotate the arms in the shoulder joint so that the horizontal hand goes down and the lower hand goes horizontal , while the head turns to the hand that is moving to the horizontal position. The torso doesn’t rotate. The fysiologist called this the Egyptian for obvious reasons.
(if you know these girls , you’re OLD!)
Anyhow , I have to do this for a couple of repetitions every hour and I found myself wanting to go to the shower room to do this privately because doing it while standing up in an open office would make me feel awkward. I noticed this resistance and got up an did it on the spot while staying aware of what was happing mentally. As soon as I was doing it I didn’t care anymore , and as soon as I sat down again I felt awkward for the next time. Funny how that works.
I have a bigger thing coming up also , my team will have to host the next departmental meeting , so I may have to speak before an audience which is a big fear of mine. I’m already watching my mind fretting over that.