Yesterday evening I sat down to meditate and because there is so much confusion inside me and I don’t know what to work on or how, I just sat down without a plan. I put on a nice tune ( I like that one because I was playing that one when my mom visited me in meditation) and ended up focusing on my heart center and the connection with the higher self from there. Also I tried to see my body as a body of white light. This is essentially the Light meditation only unguided. The Light meditation always gives me an unpleasant feeling in the heart area, same kind of feeling when you’ve swallowed something that has trouble going down. A hard unpleasant ball. After half an hour or so a feeling of love started to emerge and the heart area softened a bit. I shared that love with all sentient beings.
This morning I did the same and the (subtle but clear) feeling of love was there pretty soon and no unpleasant feeling in the heart area. I noticed that I could direct that love to everything. If mind started to wander and I noticed it, there was a bit of frustration but I directed the love to the frustration and it was okay. I directed the love at everything in my consciousness and it’s like you can put it on top of anything and it’ll soften it up. I directed it to myself which felt good too. This is new territory for me and I hope that this will stay with me.