I just sat for 30 minutes, didn’t really have a plan so I just tried to focus on the breath to get some calm. This proved difficult, mind kept wandering. I don’t know if it’s a lack of energy, confidence or discipline that it wouldn’t work, but it seems like the spiritual toolkit I’ve collected over the years is ineffective recently:
1)Allowing the emotions and feelings to flow through my system like any other energy (as described in Untethered Soul) has worked well for a while but not anymore, don’t know why. I’m tired of it. I’m not clear or alert enough anymore to ‘catch’ the emotions in time before they get momentum.
2)Staying in the Now still works but it requires focus which I don’t have at the moment. Besides, this is quite hard to maintain off-cushion so for me this only works during meditation or when I’m resting.
3)Choosing positive thoughts over negative ones by willpower is hard now because it’s hard to find something positive to switch to.
4) receiving guidance from spirit guides is something that worked for me on rare occasions but that’s been a while. Faith is very low at the moment.
5) transmuting negativity to Light&Love is something I don’t know how to do. The term Light&Love is abstract to me, it carries no clear meaning for me. I don’t know why this is. Love has always been a difficult subject for me, so transmuting negativity to Love is not going to work for me at this point.
That being said, it’s not like I’m going to jump off a bridge soon. I know by now that everything passes and I trust that better times will come. Sometimes you just have to ride the storm out and wait for the weather to improve.
(posts like this always make me wonder if I’m being too dramatic and I was thinking of removing it again, but it is a valid snapshot of my experience at this moment so I decided to not remove it.)