Mindgames

Today started out a notch darker than yesterday. Negative emotions ruling my experience. Funny, but it seems mind is attached to these feelings of self deprecation ; the mind was okay when I woke up this morning and then it remembered it was sad yesterday and continued were it left off…

I’m trying to handle this with skill, I don’t want to push these feelings away so they can come back later with a vengeance. But I also don’t want to let them rule my experience. Best thing is to be aware of them without letting them get out of control. Negative emotions are comprised of a negative thought and an unpleasant physical sensation and these amplify each other. By keeping the attention with the breath and/or physical sensations the thoughtstream will subside and the emotion will be far less intensive.

We went for a 2-hour walk this morning and I applied this, it helped a lot. It also created space to think about what is happening. The negative feelings come from feeling inadequate, incomplete or lacking. In this mode all people I encounter are perceived to do something better than me. I’m seeking for acceptance, but the people around me accept and love me so it must be me who is not accepting me…

Maybe I’ll spend more time listening to positive I Am affirmations, I did this for a while but stopped to give priority to the audiobook of paul selig.

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