I am in a period of deep doubts and confusions that has been going on for quite a while now. It is very confronting for me as well as my partner. The channelling session I recently had also provided some information that is very much ‘in your face’ about current and future events , adding more fuel to the fire that was already burning. I’m trying not to let the channelled info influence my decision making process because that would be the same as delegating responsibility. I want to create clarity in myself by myself and decide from the heart. Besides, there is still considerable skepticism towards channelling. Maybe not to the concept of it, but I am yet to gain true confidence in it by experience. Also, the people who channelled for me seemed lovely but they were unknown to me. I have no reason to distrust them, but the same could be said the other way around. So after some deep, revealing and painful conversations at home I’m choosing to let the confusion just be for the moment and postpone my judgement about anything. In the mean time I will focus on using my willpower to choose positive thoughts and do meditations that soften me. I need to get out of this negative cloud because it is consuming me.

So I’m back to :

monitor mind as much as I possibly can. If thoughts are about ‘problems’ just focus on anything else (breath , sensations , whatever) so the thoughtstream dies off.

Choose positive feelings. I can choose to feel happy. It feels strange when I try it, because mind seems to be attached to it’s state and will resist so it takes some sustained effort, but it is possible. Take your attention to something that makes you feel better. Most of the time simply staying with breath and stopping thoughts is enough.

Do Metta meditations or other meditations that induce (self) love and acceptance.

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