I noticed some time ago that there is a desire in me to be special. It can be seen when I meditate because at that time already part of me is hoping for and scanning for special experiences so that I can post them on this site and feel special.

When walking from the parking lot to work this morning a small insight popped up out of the blue which probably is obvious to many people but it’s new to me.

The desire to feel special may be coming from its opposite ; a fear to be insignificant. I never thought to turn this around but it seems so logical now.

The fear of a thing can manifest as a desire for the opposite.

So now I can check out my desires in a new way and see if I can find a fear or their opposites.
This may help because I guess the fear precedes the desire; if I try to fight the desire I’m already one step behind – I need to address the fear and the desire will likely fade.

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